That's just life, right? I'm the kind of person that can just roll with the punches. That's not to say that I don't get upset or stressed or worried, but I'm flexible and usually see the best in any situation.
But I definitely wasn't prepared to learn that I'm not having the "perfect" baby I expected.
We left our ultrasound happy to find out we were having a baby boy. Well, Nadia wasn't super happy at first, but it grew on her. Everything that we saw looked good. Not that I saw everything, I got lightheaded and had to turn on my side about halfway through, and I'm not a sonographer or doctor. But then my nurse gave me a call later that day to tell me that they noticed something during the scan and the baby might have a cleft lip and palate. She struggled with deciding whether to call me and tell me that evening or wait til the next morning when I met with her, but ultimately decided to tell me sooner so I had some time to think and ask questions. She had already made a referral to the larger military medical hospital in the area so I could have a better ultrasound. She asked me to please try not to worry and not to google everything and scare myself. John wasn't home from work yet, but I figured he should be home soon. I went upstairs because I knew I might start crying and I didn't want the kids to see. I called him to ask when he was going to be home and he said he was on his way. I told him I'd just talk to him when he got home then, but he could tell I was upset and made me tell him. He actually didn't really know what I was talking about so I had to explain to him what it is and then once he got home, I googled to show him photos. The kids could tell that I was stressed about something and Nadia actually got kind of upset that I wouldn't tell her. So I told them that there was a possibility that Chub Chub could be born with his lip not formed correctly and maybe with a hole in the roof of his mouth. Preston was very distressed that his baby brother might look like that. Nadia said it was no big deal and that we would love him no matter what. Later that night she asked me again why I was worried about it. I told her that parents always imagine having a perfect baby, and it's just hard when that's not the way it is. She said "He is perfect. And I'll always love him" We discussed it some more and she just continued to be amazingly sweet and positive.
So I called the hospital two days later, as instructed, to check on the referral, and it hadn't been approved yet. I called back 24 hours later and no answer. Same thing a while later. So I just left a message. I got a call the next day at 0730, asking if I could come in that day, I don't remember what time, but sometime before noon. That place is over an hour away, my husband was already at work, and I wasn't about to go by myself. But I tried calling him to no avail and scheduled something a week and a half out. A short while later I received a call saying the doctor would prefer to see me sooner and could see me in just a few days. I agreed. And I spent those days worrying because why would the doctor want to see me so soon?
We went in and had another ultrasound. She looked at a lot of things, and showed us what is most definitely a cleft lip. It's on one side, his left, and it looks like it extends all the way up to his nose. A cleft palate is much more difficult to see by ultrasound, but there was a detectable hole. The doctor came in and also showed us the clefts. She said the kidneys were slightly larger than normal, but that could change if the baby peed, and that the kidney size could be a marker for Down Syndrome. She asked if we wanted an amniocentesis to rule that out, as well as look at other possible chromosomal defects. Clefts can be independent, but they can also be associated with syndromes. I said no, and realized maybe I should discuss it with my husband who immediately said yes. The doctor assured me that the miscarriage rate associated with an amnio is lower than reported and that the procedure is quite safe, and then left us alone to discuss it. We knew that the results wouldn't change anything, but it could help to be prepared. So I agreed. I think the giant needle in my abdomen freaked out John, but he held my hand and comforted me.
So then we waited. And waited. And waited. Sort of. The early results (FISH) came pretty quickly and pretty much ruled out Down Syndrome, Edward Syndrome and some third syndrome that I can't remember. But the other results seemed to take FOREVER. While I was in Saginaw, I finally got the call that everything was clear. It was such a relief to know.
We won't know how extensive either cleft will be until he's born. He'll definitely have at least two surgeries. The lip is usually closed before 6 months old. The palate is repaired later, sometime before he's one. Some babies need ear tubes. Some need more work on their gums or other oral features. He might have to have a bone graft when he's older, maybe 7-10 years old. And there's other little things. I'm meeting with the craniofacial team at the hospital next week. I've read a ton online, but this will be an opportunity for me to really get an idea of what to expect from the doctors at our hospital.
I've joined a couple of Facebook cleft support groups and it's been really helpful to see what we may have in store. It's been interesting to see the connections. The nurse I've been seeing locally has a sister in law that was born with a cleft. The new doctor we've been seeing told us her husband and his brother were born with clefts. And oddly, I decided to watch So You Think You can Dance a couple of weeks ago. When they showed one of the contestants close up, Jim Nowakowski, I was all "OMG, I think he was born with a cleft!" and immediately googled to confirm. All while my husband looked at me like I'm insane. He has been totally chill about the whole thing. Thankfully. Things had been rough in some of the months prior to all of this news, and it's been wonderful to have my rock back. Preston worries a lot. At first he was very troubled with how the baby will look. Then later about how other people will think he looks. Now he's just very concerned that surgery will hurt his baby brother. The kids both talk about how cute Chub Chub will be and how much they love him and he will love them.
In another area of life, (though still medically related) my poor husband injured himself playing softball. He tore his meniscus and possibly his ACL. He's getting around on crutches and is in pain all the time. Surgery is pretty inevitable. But we won't know for a while when that will happen. I'm fairly certain I'll end up having to care for a newborn and an immobile post-surgery husband. At least whatever drugs they give him should make him somewhat entertaining. I'm glad Nadia and Preston are older and less dependent on me. I'll have to make an extra effort to pay attention to them, but I know they can survive if I can't.
Otherwise, life is normal. The kids went back to school the other day. They like their teachers. They're having fun and learning. Preston has been complaining that the day is too long, but he would just rather be at home. Nadia is mad she's had homework both days so far and Preston hasn't. I think she's glad to be back with her friends every day. On the first day of school there was a ceremony on the front lawn of the school before they went off to class. I walked Preston over to the line where his classmates were, and Nadia just wandered off. I walked over to where her class was to make sure she got to where she needed to be, and found her standing with three of her friends, chatting away. I debated whether I should bother her and say goodbye, but she came over and hugged me and Chub Chub. I'm not sure how many more first days of school I have left where she will willingly hug me. Fifth grade is so old. The time has just flown.
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